Tag Archive: Religion and Spirituality


I want to be a human Defibrillator

Over the last week of writing and musing I have come to change my understanding of certain things.  The wretched writer I have spoken frequently of in a manner odorous, pleasant, and passive has done something I wish to do.

She had become (albeit accidentally and on a minute scale) a human defibrillator.  She tamed the mighty Zeus and commanded his commission. I have decided that I want that, only on a much larger scale- and I want it to be directed omnidirectionally- controlled chaos.

I am reminded of the great early horror movie line, “there is no hope in chaos”.  I am reminded that the way to personal salvation, (not spiritual) can not be tread by those who seek it, but only unknowingly– the way is found by those prodded like the nietzscheian cattle we all are into all directions, but headed to the same destination.

I want that prod.  I am no shepherd, nor do I follow one (see my last post,) but I want to be a part of the rancher, a cowboy- like I used to pretend to be as a child– where the whole world was open and the sky was a blanket that fell upon man, as he looked to the stars whilst the cattle held their heads down to endlessly and listlessly graze and fail to gaze into the wonders above them.

That is my new goal.

I want to be the direction for my fellow cattle, the thing that gets them to raise their heads above the herd and see beyond the fields in which we graze and ultimately fall– to think beyond the fences put-up presumably for safety, but definitely for control.

I want to be a shock to the system.  The shock that reanimates the heart of society- the shock that startles, yet gently guides.

I want to be a shock to the system- the whole system, our system of government and governance, of society and sociability.

I want to be a human defibrillator.

Advertisements
Chaotic systems display sensitivity to initial...

Image via Wikipedia

I implore you world of rules and chaos, let me start this off right, give me the strength to remember what I wish to express… I love religion.  I love religious people.  I am at most a Discordian and at the least, I am atheist.

Let me attempt to explain this enigma.

To me, nothing is greater is this world then hearing a true Christian (simply because it is the religion I am most familiar with) speak and act in a way that exemplifies all of the wondrous things religion would like us to do.  To see someone act in a way towards others that could be referred to as being the mark of a good religious and moralistic  person.  It brings me tremendous hope and unfathomable joy to see that it can happen, that these people do exist, if only for that split second on the sidewalk.  It gives me hope that I may be wrong…

Normally, I am proven right again in less then a minute, but for that short period of time I know there is an ethereal paradise and I just got a glimmer of it.

As I have stated, I am not a religious person- but do these moments make me a spiritual one?  Do these glimpses of the divine give me headway into the rooms of God?  How is it that a standard hot-dog, complete with bun, eaten on Good Friday, could screw with every major religion whilst calamities prove existence?

Sorry, that last question doesn’t belong there.

Enough of the nonsense, incense and peppermints– I have been feeling aloof again.  I know- so quick to fall.  I blame it mostly on pure exhaustion.  I am a larger guy and did not get my portly pot-belly swallowing air, but for the first time I am having trouble finishing the portions provided.  Maybe my condition is a combination of exhaustion, excitement, and coldness.  This wild winter weather has been bitter.

Sorry, that last paragraph doesn’t belong there.

Assuming I am right (which I have to because I find it impossible to function otherwise,) there is no God, but possibly a goddess of chaos.  I assume this because if all I have learned about religion is right, then the only being who could be in control of this abysmal abomination we collectively call society, is a being who intrinsically lacks control.

It is possible that my mind won’t let me follow something it does not believe can exists in this world?  But if that is true, then I could never account for my absolute love of time and fascination with clocks, watches, sun-dials, calenders, ect. for time does not and cannot exist- it is something we, as a group, invented to bring about order from mother chaos.  Does that the same work as an explanation for religion? For government?  For Reader’s Digest?

Sorry, that last writer doesn’t belong here.

Is it drafty in here?

Principle of MetaSystem Dynamics

Image by brewbooks via Flickr

Ahh, Sunday.  The day of relaxing rest, the day where I spend time reading, drinking coffee, playing with my children, spending quality time with my wife.

Pure bliss, sans the ignorance.

I read the news this morning, unsurprised there is none– save new renditions on the same stories over-reported and under-investigated.  Politicians and Pontiffs– screaming and speaking somberly– never letting a good tragedy go to waste.

For a bunch of lawyers and politicians it’s always amazing how they realize a Hinduesque spiritual truth– that nothing is bad and everything can be used as a stepping stone to growth, (although they mean growth of power and influence, not spiritual, but why pick on subtleties!)

My wife, ever charming and ambitious, suddenly suggests that I should explore the recesses of my resent reawakening for a semblance of a story, a novel novel, or some such literary undertaking.

Imagine my mind, like a newborn’s eyes, just beginning to open– blinded by the lights surrounding it and overcome by the amount of information thrust into its consciousness.  Now, fully remembering a past life but unable or unwilling to recognizably rebuild it, only able to lay a copied cornerstone of a former conscience– is now being requested to recite that which has yet to be!

How does one begin to speak from a mind imperceptible and nonexistent when the existing mind is not yet fully functioning in its new life?  How does one form a second without fully forming a first?

A tall order, I guess, but it reminds me of the absolute faith my wife has in me, and although uninspiring in itself to me; it spurs my own social growth, prods my political points, and moves me back down below the dogs of society and into my recently revived home.

I am no longer feeling blissful, but I feel full– complete.

Oh where to start a journey that has no beginning?

Who can I send-out into a wondrous world that has yet to be fully formed?

I feel a draft coming in.

%d bloggers like this: